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 Isn't she lovely? The dee-luscious Arianna Huffington |
Eric, our office fool, ran through the office sounding the mandatory 'Arianna Alarm,' the sound of which we'll keep a secret for now. Suffice it say that "Huf" herself would love it.
Arianna was her usual cool and never-over-polished self as our television screen flicked on in response to the remote. I heard the melodious Athenian voice wafting over the surround sound. I didn't even hear the actual words -- just that sing song lilt which promises an "ambiance night" -- for those of you who're old and wise enough.
In the world of Elizabeth Drew -- an understated cutie herself -- Candy Crowley, Eleanor Clift and the rest of Washington's professional female political pundits, Arianna stands out - by far.
There is no woman more feminine than she. And no brighter babe.
So much so that the gals in the office flee when she appears on camera, taunting the men with wolf whistles, cat calls and the like. A-R-EEEEE-AHHHHHH-NA they screech, giggling and hiding behind their smiles while all the time checking the mirror ever so slyly. All work stops when Arianna hits the airwaves. It's just that simple.
Face it, Arianna is a living American Goddess. And for that reason our annual men-only Golf and "Hang By the Pool" Fest is being held in her honor this week at the plush Breakers in Palm Beach. It a Christmas kind of thing. Our name for the tourney is:
 Click here to find out more about APJ's favorite resort hotel, The Breakers Palm Beach |
 The boys of APJ are agog over conservative punditry's major (looks AND brains) babe |
Hair & Nails: This section is judged on the main croquet lawn. Points are scored for best cuticles, largest moons and "Best Buff" Any guy with polish is immediately disqualified -- unless he's wearing a Rolex, then only 2 points are deducted.
Hottest Coif: Points are definite for redheads, dyed or real, although 'real' gets a plus one point. Naturally everyone dyes their hair red. One of the men brought Fred Fekkai down with him to do the do. This is serious stuff.
Saying Nasty Words Without Getting People Annoyed: This, of course, is a Huf specialty. One need only remember the way Arianna says "fowerplay" to bow out of the "Speedo for lunch bunch" around the Breaker's pool.
We also pitched her our two ideas to raise funds for "Club Huf." Twin calendars, one for men and one for women.
The Hunks of "K" Street would feature Arianna with noted and some not-so-notable lobbyists supping at Georgetown's Restaurant Nora, drinking at The Monocle or sneaking around the upper floors of the Capitol Hill Club looking for that oil on velvet portrait of Ron Reagan everyone likes so much. Arianna, fully clothed, of course, would strike a classic pose dressed in some DK suit or other -- you know the kind that makes you know what is or isn't underneath.
 Yes, Franken, we ARE jealous! |
We think the calendars would sell big time.
And after all, isn't Arianna's mystery the impetus behind her success. Sure she has brains. Sure she's a knockout. But it's that certain phonetic jhinh-a-say-qua that gets us every time.
To think old wanna-be senator Huffington lost that girl. What a crying shame.
To make a long story longer, sure enough, just unpacked, I reached for the ringing phone.
Who was on the other end ?
You guessed it -- Arianna herself.
She was calling from 90210 to wish us the best. I had given her the wrong area code for Palm Beach, Florida and she, like the spicy devil she is, remonstrated me saying, "I expect accuracy from you dahling -- ahhh-ccuracy."
I could feel that Hermes riding crop on my flank.
What can we say? Arianna made our long weekend. Down here, where its some work and some play as we wrap up the year and celebrate our 2 millionth reader, Arianna is our gal. Her photos adorn every room, and snippets of her work are Post-It-ed on the walls.
Born in Athens, Greece, on July 15, 1950 -- our APJ National Holiday -- Arianna moved to England in 1966 and graduated from Cambridge University with a master's degree in economics. She spent holidays working as a translator at the Cellar Bar in Aghios Nikolas on Crete where she met many fascinating people including me, who has a drink on the Cellar Bar menu named after him -- "The Snake Special."
Never at a loss for words, at 21, she became president of the infamous debating society, the 'Cambridge Union.'
Tell me about it.
Her first book, "The Female Woman" -- the title of which confused a lot of people wearing stretch pants in Iowa -- was an attack on extremism in the feminist movement (thank God), was published in 1974 by Random House, and has been translated into eleven languages. She was almost run over by rival feminist author, and my ex-sister-in-law, Professor Lisa Jardine -- a faculty member at Jesus College, Cambridge and daughter of the famed mathematician and pop-scientist Jacob Bronowski.
Funny, though -- Lisa had red hair as well.
In 1978, she published "After Reason," a book on the intersection of politics and culture. I think she derived the idea from the famous exchange of letters between C.P. Snow and Bronowski himself. Her biography of Maria Callas, "The Woman Behind the Legend," published in 1981, quickly became an international best seller and keeps our own Dave "Dr." Gonzo awake nights. He tells me it's the best thing he's ever read on Callas -- or any other opera diva, for that matter -- and to even talk to Arianna would most likely make him faint.
Her fourth book, "The Gods of Greece," celebrated the power myths as guides to forgotten dimensions of life and ourselves and was republished by Atlantic Monthly Press, with paintings by Francoise Gilot. "The Fourth Instinct," is on the search for meaning in a secular world and was published by Simon and Schuster in 1994.
Arianna, look no further. I am that meaning!
In December 1993, Arianna Huffington launched her own live talk show, Critical Mass, which aired until December 1994 on
National Empowerment Television (her only mistake -- NET is not good enough for her). The show focused on such themes as renewing our values and revitalizing our communities (what a snore). This was during her "Newt Period," one she's hopefully rethought. She left the show to develop a new television program that will take a satirical look at the media's coverage of news. But of course, our television show, at the pilot stage now, will eclipse it.
That's machismo for you.
Huffington, to our mind, never makes enough guest appearances on other shows, including with hosts Larry King, Charlie Rose, Dennis Miller, Tom Snyder, or on CNN's Crossfire, PBS's Firing Line, Politically Incorrect, Good Morning America and NBC's Today. But she'll be a frequent guest on our show -- F#^%@ the Congress -- which is in the planning stages. The show, based on an APJ concept, will pay congressional staffers up to $50,000 to "turn in their bosses" and promises to be a bittersweet and hilarious look at just what kind of kooks are really running this country.
A spin-off, "Rush Bowling," is planned for 1999.
To get even more serious, Arianna is also a "senior fellow" and bored member of the Progress and Freedom Foundation, Mrs. Huffington is the chair of the Center for Effective Compassion, which explores and demonstrates ways to provide compassion and effective alternatives to the welfare state. Huh?
Arianna, please! I AM A WELFARE STATE! I need "compassion" -- alternative, effective -- whatever!
Not to disappoint our "Ari-Mou," we too are busy working on our own galleys for "Democracy You Say?" due out at the end of March. Editor Maryvonne Martin is slaving away in California with all those 'Stets' and 'Deles' flying from her keyboard.
But this piece isn't about us. It's about the Empress of Politically Chic, the Queen of Quid Pro Quo, the Countessa of Capitol Hill -- the one-of-a-kind Hellenic gift to our nation. The woman who proves, every day, that Greek Style is our style -- Arianna Huffington the perfect woman who Loser-Extraordinairre Ed Rollins called "a wily sorceress" is THE GAL to contend with.
A Wily Sorceress she is, Ed... but then, you wouldn't understand.
Our collective hats are off to you "Ari-Mou." Keep up the good work. You know, with a little luck you'll realize that intellect equals Liberal and that will be just another gift to the world.
We love you!
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